On Sunday night at church, Jon preached an awesome message on Salvation. No surprise there, that's what the Christian faith is all about. But he also talked about what the defining factor of salvation is for each and every person. He challenged us to think about it and work it out.
Why? Because then we can do as Paul the apostle did in Acts (in the New Testament of the Bible) and tell others why knowing Jesus and the salvation he won for us is so awesome and life changing.
So I thought that I would like to share my testimony here with you.
What is a testimony? It's basically sharing your faith journey and why your faith and your relationship with Jesus is so important to you.
Thinking back, I always thought that my faith journey began when I was five years old. But when I was speaking to a friend today, I realised I might have been a bit younger, back when we lived in the children's home. It was run by a Lutheran pastor and his wife and Im certain - although I can't remember, that Jesus was spoken of a lot.
My first memories of Jesus and who he was and who he was in MY life, happened when I was about 5. We were fostered to a family in the Adelaide Hills and they placed us in a teeny tiny Lutheran school. It was there I had my first memories of Jesus. I focus on Jesus and not God bc I first heard of Jesus being my friend and brother. Given what a messed up family life we had, I latched onto the relationship of having a big brother who wouldn't hurt me but love me and be there whenever I needed him.
I can remember, in grade one, sitting on the carpet playing with blocks when our teacher Mrs Noll (sp?) asked us who in the classroom had been baptised. Then I remember bursting into tears as Mike and I were the only ones who were NOT baptised. Even at 5 years old, I understood somehow what being in Jesus' family meant.
We got baptised quick smart.
This photo above is Mike and I (at the front) with our half sister and half brother Bella and Rolf in the background, at our new home on the farm. Mike is proudly holding his hymn book he got - I STILL have mine in my bookshelf and it's something I do treasure from that day.
So, once baptised, I took hold of that friend of mine Jesus and never let go. I always had such a passion and love for this amazing guy who's lap I could climb onto whenever I felt sad - or jsut wanted to sing. Being such an incredibly happy child, I can really only credit Him for that, given all the abuse we had already experienced. I remember that devotion time every morning at school being my favourite time of the day - and while we all used to fight to sing our favourite songs, Mike always won out and I think for years, every single day, we sung "Im Happy on the Inside, Im Happy on the Out" Lol. Just shows what the touch of God can do even when you're tiny like we were.
As a 12 year old, I looked upto my older foster cousins with SUCH admiration. My two 'favourite' cousins Sonia and Julie were the ones I wanted to be just like. I remember sneaking into the Lutheran Seminary when Sonia lived there and sleeping under her desk praying not to get caught. But I also remember that she was the one that introduced me to Christian music - and a love of Keith Green was born. Suddenly, my teenage world consisted of Keith, Amy Grant, David Meece, Michael W Smith and a myriad of others that I was listening too. And my cousin was teaching me there was more to this Jesus thing that going to church and praying.
I could see she had a real personal relationship with him although at the time I didn't fully understand what that meant. All I knew, was that Jesus, God, well, he was still my friend, and he was someone I wanted to grow to be more like.
I began going to youth - but youth back then was all about the boys, lol. I also got confirmed. As I grew older I took on a lot of resposibilities - I became youth president of our youth, I got involved with zone stuff, having a psoition on the zone exec. I led and organised (with others) hundreds of camps. In fact, when I was in year 12, I remember attending 6 camps as a leader and three as a participant - that's *9* camps in year 12. Wow. I even organised with one other girl an entire state youth convention. They were such good times.
It was all about me growing and learning more about who Jesus meant to me and then being a role model to the younger people who God placed me there to lead. It was about never letting go despite all the crap we went through.
When my dad died on Father's Day in yr 12 I was obviously devastated. Not only because he had passed away, but because he didn't believe - he had always accepted that us kids went to church and believed in God, but whenever I had tried to talk to him about it he waved me off. That last day of his life, our foster dad had taken us to Adelaide to see him. Dad H left us alone with our dad and while we were visiting, the JW's came and knocked. He waved them away and I remember my heart beating like crazy (I know now that was the Holy Spirit) bc it was the perfect opportunity to talk to my dad about my HOLY dad. But I chickened out. And that night he died.
It was all I could focus on. I had let my dad go to hell. I was so guilt ridden. However later the day after, I was speaking to our pastor and he told me that my dad had given his life to Jesus while he was in hospital jsut weeks before he died. I was overjoyed - but still felt terrible that it hadn't been me who brought him to that point. However, I knew then, that he would be in heaven rejoicing and that's all I cared about. The relief was massive.
I continued my love for Jesus and my holy dad - it jsut grew and grew. Once I moved to Adelaide, I started attending an awesome church (Para Vista Lutheran), found some amazing Godly people who were able to guide me through not only the horrible years of my illness, but taught me so much more about my Jesus and how to live a lfie worthy of his grace and love.
It was while I was at PV that I found my favourite bible verse and it has been my mantra ever since.
"Praise be to my God, the Father of my brother Jesus Christ who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms.... For he CHOSE me in Him before the world was even created, to be holy and blameless before him. In LOVE he ADOPTED ME as his child through Jesus... the the praise of his glorious grace which he gives without conditions to those he loves. In HIM we have redemption of our sins through Jesus' sacrifice of blood, for the forgiveness of our sins, i accordance with God's almighty grace.... In HIM we were also CHOSEN, having been predestined by God according to his awesome will and purpose for me and for the world." Ephesians 1:3-14 (paraphrased by Linda from NIV)
Notice some of those words? Chosen. Adopted. Child. Father. Love. They are all about family arn't they? It is saying that God chose Me. He chose YOU to be in his family. A family that was planned way before the world was created and that family included you! But not only that, he chose us to be holy too. Holy and blameless and he made this happen by giving his only Son Jesus to die on the cross, defeating Satan by rising again and thus fulfilling all the scriptures about him in the Old Testament of the Bible.
Why is this passage so incredibly important to me? I guess it's the fact that I have never felt like I belonged. I was always "The foster kid", "The cutter", "The one without a family", "The one in the papers", "The one with mental illness", "The aboriginal one" etc. No matter where I was (except maybe with the friends I grew up with), I always felt that distance between me and others. I always felt I never quite fit in.
Another thing is that I feel like I have had family taken away from me three times now - firstly, my real family - my dad passing away and being taken from my real siblings and mother (although Im glad it happened), then I lost my foster family, the long term family I lived with for 17 years. They basically dumped me and I struggled with identity ever since. THEN, I finally 'found' another family who promised they would never hurt me the way my foster family did (as they saw it happen), they loved me like their own, they introduced me to randoms and friends as another daughter and sister. They had captured me in the family web and I was convinced NOTHING would make me lose this family - and then they also dumped me.
I felt like every time I began to form an identity, a sense of belonging, it got stripped away from me. I was a lost lamb! Lost with noone to reach out too - except my Holy Father.
The major comfort for me through all my loss over my life time is this: The fact that I am Australian and more importantly the fact that GOD CHOSE ME! HE chose me and there is not one person on this earth that can take that away from me.
Looking back over my life, I can see that I believed in him being my family from before I was baptised - from when I was that little 5 year old playing with blocks o that floor. Some part of me must have known that because I can remember always feeling comforted by the fact that I had a big brother that no one could mess with. I have always held strong to the promises of Ephesians but specifically that passage in chapter one. It's my all time favourite book and passage that my bible automatically opens to that page. It's been the biggest source of comfort for a girl who went from identity to identity, from family to family. The promise that God will never dump me, he will never build me up and then leave me. It's sooooo comforting. It gives me that belonging that no person on this earth could ever give me.
I think I will always struggle with that feeling of not quite belonging, with feeling a little apart from everyone around me. I know for a fact, I will never end that fruitless search for an earthly set of parents, but I can always hold tight to my faith and the Holy Father and brother who give me the comfort I need whenever I can remember to take it. Im hoping one day, it will be enough.
Love L
xxx
