My Social Justice Soapbox

So, tonight on Fb I was invited to take a survey for a friend of mine as part of his year 12 research assignment. He was asking some questions about western society and Christianity. It really made me think and so I decided I’d write a post on my thoughts about it here.

I am half expecting to get slammed by this but please, please understand; these are musings and thoughts that haven’t quite reached a conclusion. Or maybe they have.

Ill begin by letting you know that I have studied a number of courses in the community service field – Cert 3 in Community Work, Cert 4 in Family Support Work, and part way through a Social Work degree (which I really MUST finish). Apart from all of that, I have had years upon years of therapy, attending various groups for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, Child Sexual Abuse, and on and on.

What do you think was the one main thing that all of these places promoted above all else?

Inclusion! Tolerance! Acceptance! No Judgement!

It sounds great doesn’t it? It really does, but it created massive problems for me and a warring debate inside my head that has never truly found a happy medium.

I became a Christian at 5 years old. I was baptised a year later at my begging and ever since, my greatest love has been my Holy Father, his Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

So, tolerance, acceptance, God – they go together, right? In some respects, yes they do. But in other ways, they definitely do NOT.

The one thing that I have really really struggled with is that I am someone who by nature is very open. I’ll talk to anyone unless I can discern something spiritually that says the person is really not good for me.  I am someone who doesn’t like to let things get in the way of friendships. I’m happy to be friends with anyone of different religions; different races; different orientations, different football teams (except Port Power…. Nah, jokes). It’s not something that enters my head when I make friends. I don’t have a ‘type’ of friend the way some have a ‘type’ of romantic partner. I believe in accepting people as they are. I believe that we can learn so much from other people who look different, who believe differently to me, who live differently.

Thus, I guess I’ve always had a lot of friends. You can almost guarantee that I will know someone no matter where I go. It’s cool like that.

But…!

How does this view of tolerance, acceptance and inclusion work when you believe with your whole heart that God is The Way? The God who died upon the cross and rose again for each and every one of us?

God clearly states in HIS text book aka The Holy Bible, that certain things are just not right. We should NOT accept homosexuality. We should NOT accept other religions; we should NOT tolerate things like porn, domestic violence, child abuse, war, paedophilia etc.

He clearly states that these behaviours and actions are against Him. There is no question.

And yet, everywhere we go we are taught to tolerate all of the above. Not only tolerate, but embrace the differences. In terms of crime, we are taught to be tolerant of the criminal who has had rehabilitation. To give them a chance to show they have changed. Actually, anyone who has had any type of rehab should be tolerated and accepted back into the community with open arms regardless of anything.

It’s so confusing. Especially when I see so many Christians embrace the latest Christian ‘fad’ (in my opinion) of Social Justice.

Social Justice in itself is great. Having a social conscience and trying to right the wrongs in this world, I’m all for it.

I was passionate about it before it became the latest big ‘thing’. I guess, always being in a minority (foster care, aboriginal, disability) I have always had a heart for others. I remember as a kid, our pastor used to bring refugees to our church as he worked with them. Again, this was before the whole refugee thing was well known. So suddenly, when the plight of refugees was plastered all over the news and all the Gen Y’ers were ranting and raving about it, my thought was: “And? It’s been going on for years; this is NOT as new issue.”

Gen Y seems to think that they are the first to ever have a bleeding heart for the marginalised. A LOT of the Gen Y people I know, seem to act like they were the first to ever want to make a difference… but why do you think I even have this blog? Yes, it’s an outlet for me to get my thoughts out, but mostly, I use it as a voice for raising awareness of metal health issues and other social justice issues that affect me… but mainly mental health.

The thing is though, and I have seen this in numerous churches – their form of social justice involves going on mission trips to third world countries. They might be going for a few days or weeks. They might do some service in the communities they visit. They will come home wide eyed and changed in themselves. It’s been a brilliant experience for them. But what about the people left behind?

There is a couple from my church atm who are doing an indefinite stay in Bali. I really admire that. THAT is social justice in action. My current church also sends groups over there to work in the community every single year, creating a relationship with the people of Bali and working with them not for them in making their community a better place to be. It’s more than just going there, causing a stir and coming home feeling accomplished.

I know quite a number of Gen Y’ers who study international studies and then what do they even do with that?

And another thing: why do people always have to go overseas to be involved in social justice? Yes, there are a lot of third world countries that need the help and support, but while everyone is going there, the people in our own first world countries are suffering third world conditions and no one pays them any mind bc after all, they live in a first world country. Do people forget that even here in first world Australia, we have third world living conditions for the indigenous remote communities? I have been to communities where people are still living in humpies on the dirt. I have done my own mission trips with churches to remote areas. I have also lived on an island in Arnhem Land and been part of a remote community.

And what about the homeless people in our parks and streets? One thing I love about my church is that they don’t expect the homeless, the hungry, and the tired, to come to the suburban church. No, ‘we’ (and I say that collectively becasue I did go numerous times) go to where the homeless are and feed them there. What an honour that is. Unfortunately, it’s not an activity I could sustain due to weather conditions and my health. But I am so proud of that ministry.

So, I’ve talked about church groups etc. doing mission and outreach (mission from my understanding, is going out of your community to reach others for God, outreach is doing the same thing in your own community).

I know there are hundreds of organisations and agencies who are not based in Christianity who do the same.

But Christian and non-Christian, they all ‘preach’ the same level of tolerance and acceptance.

I beg you, every Christian person who reads this, answer this question in the comments section please….

How do u juggle society’s mission of inclusion for all, with God’s decrees of the biblical way to live?

Because the two do not always go hand in hand.

My answer is somewhat like this, although I’m still figuring it all out:

I’ll use homosexuality as the issue. I have a number of gay friends, they aren’t in my immediate circle of close friends, but they are in my life. I love them; I learn from them, they are just friends like all my ‘straight’ friends are.

However, I do not believe in homosexual relationships. As a good Christian girl, I believe it is something that is completely against what God created sex etc for.

I don’t judge those friends of mine – you might wonder how given I don’t believe in it. I guess it’s something I don’t want to hear about. I think that every person has free choice, free will and they can choose the actions and behaviours they take. I just don’t like it shoved in my face. Im not gonna diss the friends of mine who might be gay. They don’t need that crap in their face! But I don’t want to know the details about the romantic relationship if there is one.

The thing is, if I had gay friends who were getting married, while I don’t agree with it, I would go and attend the ceremony, not because I condone the idea of gay marriage, but because I love the person/people getting married and I would be truly happy for them.

I’m against gay marriage tho because it is completely against what God created man and wife to be. I would be utterly sad if it is approved in our country because I believe it is yet another step away from God’s Word and his laws for human kind.

So I suppose when it all boils down, I would support the person but not the action – whatever that action may be. So, maybe Im being inclusive and accepting of the people, but being Godly in my judgement of the behaviours????

And on that note, my medication has kicked in and I must be off to bed. I really hope this post makes sense. It’s hard when it’s still a bit of a jumble inside my head.

L xo

My 'Date with a Demon'

It's been a few months since I've written to you here, but I had a couple of laptops that suddenly got awfully thirsty. Needless to say, I now keep all drinks far away from Mike's newly fixed laptop. Thankfully, I am back online on a computer finally and so I can share with you again.

So much has happened since I last wrote, but today I have a real story for you. I won't apologise for the content. If you're not a Christian, you're probably not gonna like it - it's all God and God's power in THIS post so sit back for a ride like no other.......

I have a very dear friend (Im calling her “A” here and I have her permission to share this story). “A” and I got back in touch about 6 months ago after ten years of not seeing each other. Our friendship picked up where it had let off, only in the interim “A” had developed a love for alcohol. Ok, it wasn't just a love; she was well and truly addicted to it.

A couple years ago, she and God had a conversation where He warned her that she needed to stop drinking bc if she didn't it would become a major problem  She told her partner at the time what God had said and he went out and bought her top shelf gift-wrapped scotch each day for the next two weeks. I dunno wot prompted him to do this. He isn't a believer, and my only thing is that he liked her drunk bc there were certain things he could get out of her then. Supportive partner! Not!

Well, the long and short of it is that my dear friend ended up with a pretty severe addiction to alcohol to the point that her body was starting to break down. It was so scary. Since we met up again I have seen her drunk but functional and also well and truly smashed. It's been heart breaking to see and my brother and I have done all we could to support her. She herself doesn't want to drink anymore but her body needs it. If she doesn't drink at least every hour, her body stands a very good chance of going into seizures and she could possibly die.

I spent a night with her in emergency after one such seizure - the doctors got real with us about the damage that alcohol had done to her body. I won't tell you everything here, but needless to say, it was a massive eye opener for this teetotaller. It actually scared me - the fact that “A” could be that sick from only a couple years, if that, of alcohol consumption when there are people out there who drink for years and don't have the same health issues associated with alcoholism. 

I was more determined than ever after that to help “A” get off the drink. Just before and after Christmas, she attempted three times to do at-home detox (using Vallium which is the only way to do it without seizures but unfortunately wasn't successful. In the end she made the decision to go to a facility to detox. I was so so proud of her bc having been addicted to self injury in my past, I know the power of addiction. It takes great courage to admit you have a problem and then to take steps to overcome it. I can't begin to tell you how proud I have been of her.

Well, she was due to go into the facility on Tuesday morning.  So on Monday night - the night before “A”'s admission, we had a BBQ tea at her friends' (let’s call them “X”&”Y”) place. Apart from “A” and myself, “A”'s parents and her little 21 month old boy (“B”), and “X”&”Y”'s son and daughter-in-law were there. It was an absolutely lovely relaxing evening for me personally and I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them all better. However for A it was fraught with anxieties over what the next day held.

The poor girl was going through all kinds of anxiety as she faced a future without alcohol. She was dealing with the fear of giving up an addiction that had been her whole life.

How on earth would her body withdraw from it without killing her? (She has been in serious danger of possible death due to withdrawals in the past).

How could she possibly deal with the demons, thoughts and memories in her head without the drink to quiet them?

What could she use to replace this coping mechanism? 

How on earth would she cope without it near her as her safety net? 

I can relate to her anxieties bc I went through similar when I eventually gave up my 'friend' self injury. (Yeah, I know it's not the same, but it nearly is - still an addiction to something unhealthy and the same reasons behind it all). And we both used our addictions in the same way - to cope with incredibly painful thoughts and emotions.

It really was a lovely night of relationship building, but after everyone else had gone home and it was just “X”&”Y”, “A” and me left, we decided to go inside and pray about “A”’s admission in the morning before I left for home. We went into the lounge room and “A” and I sat together on the lounge, with “X”&”Y” next to “A” on the floor. “X”&”Y” prayed first while we all laid hands on “A” - meaning, I was holding her arm and the others rested their hands on her hand and shoulder.

Then, “A” asked if she could pray. Ummm, of *course*! 

No, I understand why she asked. It was massive deal as she felt she could never pray out loud with others. And “A” hadn't prayed out loud with anyone for a long time (except for a one off with me). So I knew her reluctance and that made me even more excited that she *wanted* to pray out loud. We encouraged her to say whatever was on her heart. It was one of the most beautiful prayers I'd ever heard. Heartfelt, deep, personal, sincere and so humble. She got so honest with God, telling him everything. She apologised to her God, she asked him to change her heart, she cried out to him. It was truly beautiful and it was....wow! After that, I think the three of us others were all crying, I know I was. And then I prayed. 

I don't remember everything that we prayed, all I know is that all of a sudden “A”’s back arched up and she was flung to the floor. At first I thought that she was so moved by the Holy Spirit – given her prayer but I was soon to recognize tho, it was a completely different kind of spirit that was in da house!

Suddenly, I realised we were well and truly in the middle of a battle between heaven and hell.

I remember the many many discussions I've had with my spiritual parents about spiritual warfare. I have sat at their feet and fired off question after question learning and trying to understand this kind of ministry. I have learnt over the years to pray certain things for protection and stuff. Im now so thankful for these talks bc I felt a little more armed than I might have previously been. Neil T Anderson also has a couple of awesome books that I read years ago that are wonderful for this kind of ministry and added to my knowledge base immensely (one of the ‘The Bondage Breaker’). 

For example:

One thing I have learnt is that the most powerful things you can say to a demon or even the devil is Jesus' name and Jesus' blood. They HATE that. So over and over and over again we prayed Jesus over “A”. We prayed for a covering of his life-giving blood over “A”, over “X”&”Y” and over me. That His blood would cover all our homes and the ppl we love. To pray Jesus' blood over somebody is something that will get them scurrying for the darkest of corners. And I saw the proof of this countless times over in that two hours that we prayed.

Much of what happened throughout that prayer session is a blur. But I do remember some things. I remember the look of that demon as it stared out of “A”'s beautiful eyes at me. The look of absolute hate as it spat its tirade in my face. We just prayed all the harder. Every time we prayed that Jesus blood would cover “A”, the spirit of alcoholism wud scream out "Noooooooo" and would violently jerk my friend's body. So then we would bind it in Jesus' name and “A”'s body would calm down. As we watched her relax, the evil demon would leave her features and we could see her come to the fore. She would plead with her eyes and barely manage to whisper "What is happening to me?" We would try to tell her that it was gonna be ok, we were praying for her and God was here. We would say that alcohol wasn't gonna win and then her body would tense up again and we would hear the demon using her mouth to scream at us again. Every time we rebuked it, it played havoc with A's body, throwing her around the floor, tossing and turning her at random. Giving her the utmost pain in her abdomen. 

"She is miiiiiiiiiiine!" 

"No, she *isn't*. She is God's daughter and she is covered by the life giving blood of Jesus who died just for her. You have NO power here."

"Noooooooooooooooo. I’ll kill her first"

All the while, “A” was either writhing around on the floor or was physically trying to jump up and leave. Thank goodness for “X”'s strength bc us girls couldn't have held her down. we prayed that he be bound, that his mouth be shut up and he would suddenly go quiet and we just kept proclaiming the promises of God over “A”, no matter what that spirit would try to do.

There was a very distinct difference between the face of my beautiful friend and the face of the demon spirit even though he used her. “A”'s face was gentle, relaxed, pained and crying. Her eyes were begging and pleading for the pain to stop. She was very questioning while also looking so frightened.

The demon Alcoholism had an almost triangular face. I really don't know how he managed to contort her face into the shape it was bc it wasn't her face - and yet it was, if u know what I mean. All I can remember were small eyes and gritted bared teeth and a red red face when it was the demon. There was a hardness to its eyes. It definitely wasn't my friend.

At one point I remember wondering to myself how on earth were we gonna get rid of this damn spirit but no matter how long it took, we were there for the long haul. And then it popped into my head (or rather God spoke to me). We had to get “A” to speak it out herself. That was the only way. We could pray over her as much as we liked but that demon wouldn't leave her until she spoke out with her own voice that she wanted Jesus and that she belonged to him.

I prayed and asked “A” to say the name "Jesus". She tried. She tried so so hard but no voice would come. That's when we knew that the demon had left her abdomen (where it had already caused physical damage) and was now up in her throat. I could, in the Spirit, see it holding onto her vocal chords stopping her from speaking. I demanded it to let go of her throat and vocal chords. We all prayed about it, very determinedly, and after a fight, we could see it losing its grip and “A” was able to whisper in a very hoarse voice "Jesus". 

I remember the tears pouring down my face at that victory for God. We continued to pray - pray Jesus blood and proclaim His salvation over “A”. 

The next thing we got her to say was along the lines of "Alcohol, I demand you to leave me in Jesus' name". It took a long time as that demon kept trying to stop her from speaking, but, word by word, she managed to gasp out the phrase. Interspersed with us all praying Jesus' blood over her and binding the spirit and his voice. Once “A” had said this sentence it was basically over. 

The demon was toast. Hell had lost!

We continued to pray for about 5-10 minutes and again, I wondered how do we know if it's gone? Simple, the answer came from above; just ask her. So, I did!

"“A”, do you think it's gone?". “A” nodded her head weakly and we could see she was free. We prayed rejoicing over her and thanked God for how hard he worked this night. I think those last 10 minutes of prayers were born out of tears, emotion, relief and just plain thankfulness.

A moment or two later, “A” kind of 'came too'. It was like she'd been in a trance or hypnotized or something bc even tho her eyes had been open it was like she just woke up. She asked us "Uuummm, what am I doing on the floor? Why is the music off? When are we gonna pray? C'mon guys, I need to get to bed."

We all just laughed. It was so bizarre, after being in this massive spiritual battle and “A” not even remember it. Her reactions just tickled me but I think that the laughter was also just the incredible joy from witnessing such a massive healing too.

We eventually ended up outside under the pergola with cups of tea and blankets as we shared with “A” all that had happened in the last two hours. At first she couldn't believe it - although one of the first things she said was that if someone put alcohol in front of her she would, without hesitation, smash the bottle. "I hate the stuff" she said.

Over the next 15 minutes to half an hour, God brought back certain memories for her - memories of her deliverance and we all shared and debriefed together. One thing for sure, “X”, ”Y” and myself had never met before that night, but we were closer than family could be after this.

“A” had an incredibly tender stomach - and we explained that is where the demon was for most of the time - flinging her body around, then it went up to her throat - she said that explained why her throat was also sore.

Eventually it was time for me to leave, and “A” to go to bed so that “Y” could take her to detox in the morning. I received a text from “Y” the next afternoon saying that “A” had gone to detox 'like a lamb'. I was so happy.

I have been able to call “A” each day at detox and up until today, she has had no withdrawals or cravings at all. That is something else we prayed for in amongst it all that Monday night. I get so excited every time I call and she tells me that she still hasn't had any. Tonight however, she told me she has had cravings for alcohol and they have been so intense. Im not worried tho. I honestly believe that the cravings are more a mind thing than a body thing. The alcohol should now be out of her system and it's just a matter of her mind finding other ways to deal with the anxieties and stress of life than to just reach for a bottle. She comes 'home' to “X”&”Y”'s place tomorrow where she can continue to recuperate for a few more days before facing the big world again.

That night I realised that my faith was a lot stronger than I ever thought bc why else were we fighting so hard against a demon? Thinking about it all…it was kind of bizarre for me to be praying against something so evil as I have always had this inkling that my prayers arn't as powerful as those who have stronger faith. I will always ask others to pray bc I believe my prayers arn't as good. Or that my faith isn't as strong so why would God listen to me? What a crock. I sure learnt differently that night. No matter how insignificant you think you are God can still work through you.

I have absolute confidence that my Lord God will keep her from drinking alcohol. I know that he has placed a strong support network of people around “A” to guide her through the next few months. Months that will be difficult as she deals with things from her past, clear minded. I know that she can now lean on God for the strength instead of reaching for a bottle that has no strength but that wud only cloud everything.

If you would like to pray for something I will make a small list here below. Because I think it's so important that “A” continue to have as much prayer support as she can get - life is not gonna get easier any time soon, but with Jesus and the support and prayers of friends and strangers she can conquer a lot more than she could have ever hoped or dreamed.

Prayer Points:

      Thank Jesus that He was able to bring “A” through such a horrific ordeal and come out the other end completely victorious in Him

      For “A” to keep her focus solely on God as she ventures forth alcohol-free to a brand new life.

      That God can continue to heal “A”'s body from the physical damage alcohol did and reverse some of the damage.

      That “A” has the support around her to really get transparent and real about the stuff she has to work through in order to be healthy and whole.
Pray also that "A" can get back to the business of being the best mum in the world to her beautiful son "B".

Thank you for reading this far. It was something I so much wanted to share- as it was a new thing for me - and bc it’s something I’ve heard of happening – even to friends of mine, but I’ve never seen before.

I think this ‘experience’ has shown me that my faith is stronger than I realised, and that God can use people who think they are so little when it comes to fighting these massive battles. It just shows that with God, ANYthing can be achieved.

Praise and thank you Jesus for “A”’s continued healing and new life in you. Thank you also for strengthening my faith and providing me with two more people to love and live and learn from xoxoxo

My Faith Testimony!

Hi again friends, 

On Sunday night at church, Jon preached an awesome message on Salvation. No surprise there, that's what the Christian faith is all about. But he also talked about what the defining factor of salvation is for each and every person. He challenged us to think about it and work it out.

Why? Because then we can do as Paul the apostle did in Acts (in the New Testament of the Bible) and tell others why knowing Jesus and the salvation he won for us is so awesome and life changing.

So I thought that I would like to share my testimony here with you. 

What is a testimony? It's basically sharing your faith journey and why your faith and your relationship with Jesus is so important to you.

Thinking back, I always thought that my faith journey began when I was five years old. But when I was speaking to a friend today, I realised I might have been a bit younger, back when we lived in the children's home. It was run by a Lutheran pastor and his wife and Im certain - although I can't remember, that Jesus was spoken of a lot.

My first memories of Jesus and who he was and who he was in MY life, happened when I was about 5. We were fostered to a family in the Adelaide Hills and they placed us in a teeny tiny Lutheran school. It was there I had my first memories of Jesus. I focus on Jesus and not God bc I first heard of Jesus being my friend and brother. Given what a messed up family life we had, I latched onto the relationship of having a big brother who wouldn't hurt me but love me and be there whenever I needed him.

I can remember, in grade one, sitting on the carpet playing with blocks when our teacher Mrs Noll (sp?) asked us who in the classroom had been baptised. Then I remember bursting into tears as Mike and I were the only ones who were NOT baptised. Even at 5 years old, I understood somehow what being in Jesus' family meant.

We got baptised quick smart. 

This photo above is Mike and I (at the front) with our half sister and half brother Bella and Rolf in the background, at our new home on the farm. Mike is proudly holding his hymn book he got - I STILL have mine in my bookshelf and it's something I do treasure from that day.

So, once baptised, I took hold of that friend of mine Jesus and never let go. I always had such a passion and love for this amazing guy who's lap I could climb onto whenever I felt sad - or jsut wanted to sing. Being such an incredibly happy child, I can really only credit Him for that, given all the abuse we had already experienced. I remember that devotion time every morning at school being my favourite time of the day - and while we all used to fight to sing our favourite songs, Mike always won out and I think for years, every single day, we sung "Im Happy on the Inside, Im Happy on the Out" Lol. Just shows what the touch of God can do even when you're tiny like we were.

As a 12 year old, I looked upto my older foster cousins with SUCH admiration. My two 'favourite' cousins Sonia and Julie were the ones I wanted to be just like. I remember sneaking into the Lutheran Seminary when Sonia lived there and sleeping under her desk praying not to get caught. But I also remember that she was the one that introduced me to Christian music - and a love of Keith Green was born. Suddenly, my teenage world consisted of Keith, Amy Grant, David Meece, Michael W Smith and a myriad of others that I was listening too. And my cousin was teaching me there was more to this Jesus thing that going to church and praying.

I could see she had a real personal relationship with him although at the time I didn't fully understand what that meant. All I knew, was that Jesus, God, well, he was still my friend, and he was someone I wanted to grow to be more like.

I began going to youth - but youth back then was all about the boys, lol. I also got confirmed. As I grew older I took on a lot of resposibilities - I became youth president of our youth, I got involved with zone stuff, having a psoition on the zone exec. I led and organised (with others) hundreds of camps. In fact,  when I was in year 12, I remember attending 6 camps as a leader and three as a participant - that's *9* camps in year 12. Wow. I even organised with one other girl an entire state youth convention. They were such good times.

It was all about me growing and learning more about who Jesus meant to me and then being a role model to the younger people who God placed me there to lead. It was about never letting go despite all the crap we went through. 

When my dad died on Father's Day in yr 12 I was obviously devastated. Not only because he had passed away, but because he didn't believe - he had always accepted that us kids went to church and believed in God, but whenever I had tried to talk to him about it he waved me off. That last day of his life, our foster dad had taken us to Adelaide to see him. Dad H left us alone with our dad and while we were visiting, the JW's came and knocked. He waved them away and I remember my heart beating like crazy (I know now that was the Holy Spirit) bc it was the perfect opportunity to talk to my dad about my HOLY dad. But I chickened out. And that night he died.

It was all I could focus on. I had let my dad go to hell. I was so guilt ridden. However later the day after, I was speaking to our pastor and he told me that my dad had given his life to Jesus while he was in hospital jsut weeks before he died. I was overjoyed  - but still felt terrible that it hadn't been me who brought him to that point. However, I knew then, that he would be in heaven rejoicing and that's all I cared about. The relief was massive.

I continued my love for Jesus and my holy dad  - it jsut grew and grew. Once I moved to Adelaide, I started attending an awesome church (Para Vista Lutheran), found some amazing Godly people who were able to guide me through not only the horrible years of my illness, but taught me so much more about my Jesus and how to live a lfie worthy of his grace and love.

It was while I was at PV that I found my favourite bible verse and it has been my mantra ever since.

"Praise be to my God, the Father of my brother Jesus Christ who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms.... For he CHOSE me in Him before the world was even created, to be holy and blameless before him. In LOVE he ADOPTED ME as his child through Jesus... the the praise of his glorious grace which he gives without conditions to those he loves. In HIM we have redemption of our sins through Jesus' sacrifice of blood, for the forgiveness of our sins, i accordance with God's almighty grace.... In HIM we were also CHOSEN, having been predestined by God according to his awesome will and purpose for me and for the world." Ephesians 1:3-14 (paraphrased by Linda from NIV)

Notice some of those words? Chosen. Adopted. Child. Father. Love. They are all about family arn't they? It is saying that God chose Me. He chose YOU to be in his family. A family that was planned way before the world was created and that family included you! But not only that, he chose us to be holy too. Holy and blameless and he made this happen by giving his only Son Jesus to die on the cross, defeating Satan by rising again and thus fulfilling all the scriptures about him in the Old Testament of the Bible.

Why is this passage so incredibly important to me? I guess it's the fact that I have never felt like I belonged. I was always "The foster kid", "The cutter", "The one without a family", "The one in the papers", "The one with mental illness", "The aboriginal one" etc. No matter where I was (except maybe with the friends I grew up with), I always felt that distance between me and others. I always felt I never quite fit in.

Another thing is that I feel like I have had family taken away from me three times now - firstly, my real family - my dad passing away and being taken from my real siblings and mother (although Im glad it happened), then I lost my foster family, the long term family I lived with for 17 years. They basically dumped me and I struggled with identity ever since. THEN, I finally 'found' another family who promised they would never hurt me the way my foster family did (as they saw it happen), they loved me like their own, they introduced me to randoms and friends as another daughter and sister. They had captured me in the family web and I was convinced NOTHING would make me lose this family - and then they also dumped me.

I felt like every time I began to form an identity, a sense of belonging, it got stripped away from me. I was a lost lamb! Lost with noone to reach out too - except my Holy Father.

The major comfort for me through all my loss over my life time is this: The fact that I am Australian and more importantly the fact that GOD CHOSE ME! HE chose me and there is not one person on this earth that can take that away from me. 

Looking back over my life, I can see that I believed in him being my family from before I was baptised - from when I was that little 5 year old playing with blocks o that floor. Some part of me must have known that because I can remember always feeling comforted by the fact that I had a big brother that no one could mess with. I have always held strong to the promises of Ephesians but specifically that passage in chapter one. It's my all time favourite book and passage that my bible automatically opens to that page. It's been the biggest source of comfort for a girl who went from identity to identity, from family to family. The promise that God will never dump me, he will never build me up and then leave me. It's sooooo comforting. It gives me that belonging that no person on this earth could ever give me.

I think I will always struggle with that feeling of not quite belonging, with feeling a little apart from everyone around me. I know for a fact, I will never end that fruitless search for an earthly set of parents, but I can always hold tight to my faith and the Holy Father and brother who give me the comfort I need whenever I can remember to take it. Im hoping one day, it will be enough.

Love L
xxx

The 'Persecuted' Sunflower?

Hey there guys, it's been a while (again).

I just wanted to write about something that I believe has been happening to me of late.

Persecution! 

What is it? 

It's not something you hear about much these days. The way I understand persecution is that it is when you are bullied/attacked/killed/etc because of your faith.

Why do I think this has happened to me and what do I think of it?

Well, a few weeks ago I was incredibly bullied on Facebook (yes, I hear you all sigh and ready to launch into the arguments about FB). A person who I knew in real life  (but not well, I thought we were developing a friendship) had a problem with me but never spoke to me about it. 

Instead, she decided to delete me (no problem) but then went on to publicly slander me, accusing me of cyber bullying HER all because I was trying to support and encourage a new friend. This happened in a group we are both in where we have at least 30 mutual irl friends.

Now I understand that people interpret things differently to how they are often intended - and I believe this woman did that. She seems to be someone who has quite a few issues as well as going through some incredible grief and I can understand she is probably lashing out and attacking people as a way to deal with the loss of someone very close to her.
I tried to ask her via private email a number of times what her issues were with me only to have the question never answered. Part of what she did tell me was that she was sick of my crap on FB. As I have no idea what she meant and as I have been incredibly positive on FB the last three or four months, I deduced the 'crap' was one of four different things. The only things I really post about nowadays:

a) My faith, which I am pretty vocal about. I don't ram it down other's throats but I love to share when something awesome happens with me and God.
b) My brother, who I am incredibly proud of for all the growing he has been doing this year.
c) Scrapbooking - which SHE is a part of so I can't imagine it's that
d) My new job mentoring teenagers.

As she never gave me any indication as to which one of these her problems lie, the more I pray about it, meditate on it and speak to close friends about it, I can only come up with ONE answer.

That answer is that she can't handle seeing my 'God posts. One thing I haven't mentioned is that she is a non-believer. She has asked at times on her own status things like "Why does God allow bad things to happen to good ppl?" I, of course, understanding perhaps where the qu stems from, tried to answer as gently and compassionately as I could.

So anyway, now onto the real point of this pondering post.

The entire incident with this woman had left me raw, hurt, angry, wanting revenge, and many other emotions. I guess the biggest one though, was genuine confusion. How could somebody who I believed to be an honest, open up-front person BE so nasty to me when I have never done anything to her?

It really rocked me to my core. It caused me to doubt who I am in the deepest parts of me. It had me questioning every single person and their motives of me in that craft community. I know she has her little 'posse' who also have deleted me and not even told me why. I know that it's bc of this 'thing' between her and I, and while it hurts, I look at the kind of ppl they are - lovely ppl, but their believes and values are polar opposite to mine. They are just not the kind of people I need in my life. People who I believe in the long term would be unhealthy for me.

So, once a friend told me - in a beautiful gentle visual story, to grow up and move on, I started to see things in a different light. Actually, I had juuust begun looking at it differently when she sent me this story but she was the kick up the butt I needed.

As I stopped being angry, I began to see that this isn't even about me. I honestly and truly believe that this is actually between this lady and God and that I was just the physical thing that was 'attackable'. Because let's face it, when you don't believe in someone, it's really really hard to be angry at them so you look for something else to let your anger out on.

As soon as I realised it wasn't me but God who was being attacked, a LOT of the hurt and anger went away. And you know what? It actually started to make me feel kinda cool.

Why you ask? Well, the devil is soooo mad right now that I am having some breakthroughs between me and my God, and he HATES that and so he does things to throw my whole little universe into chaos.I am making him so angry bc he knows that he has no power in my life and he will do ANYthing to make me suffer.

On a more human level, I look at it in the context of the book of Acts in the bible. Jesus' apostles were all martyred because of their faith. I am definitely not saying Im about to be killed, lol. But it does say a few times in the bible that especially in the end of times, the saints will be persecuted for their faith. 

"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." Matt 5:10

 In another way, I can also say, this isn't about the woman and Me, it's about me and God and OUR relationship as He obviously was trying to teach me something here. And honestly, the more I think about it all, hear God's calling in my life, utilise the wisdom of the people he has placed there for me, I can see that this entire thing is a good thing - it has made me go to him more. It's opened me up to whatever God has planned for me. It has reconfirmed (yet again) that I am doing ok.

It was never about her and me. It was all about the eternal war between good and evil, heaven and hell, God and Satan.

If I am being 'persecuted' bc someone doesn't like me, then my only hope is that God is shining more brightly than before and that His spirit in me can not be contained but is spilling over and touching others. 

I understand how confronting that can be for some. For me, it's so exciting. And now most of my hurt and anger is gone and I am back to living in the confidence of my Lord. 

Don't get me wrong, I am still human and at times I still smart over her horrible false words, but now I have a way out of the hurt. I just crawl up into my Holy Father's lap, have a cuddle and maybe a cry and remember that it's for Him I'm experiencing this. And that can only be a good thing can't it? I think so!

"The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted as worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name" Acts 5:41

I am worthy! And so are you!

L xoxoxo


Disclaimer: Please don't leave comments saying that I shouldn't share this story and that I need to move on. I had many people telling me I 'should' or 'should NOT' be doing many things where this story is concerned on FB - this blog is not seen by many of the people who know about it irl, and this is the way I express myself. If you don't like what I've written, or think I should have kept it to myself, look at WHY I have shared what I have shared. It is not about slandering this girl back. It's not about getting 'my side' out there in my defence. It's not even about changing people's minds. This blog is about a wonderful lesson God has taught me over the last month and a half. Please take it the way it was intended to be read. 
;)
L xo


Just a second note: Somehow this girl *did* see this post and wrote some pretty awful things in the comments section. Again, I was not writing this to hurt you! Please see it as my way of having a voice, and sharing the wonderful things that God can do when a person is obedient to him. :)