My Social Justice Soapbox

So, tonight on Fb I was invited to take a survey for a friend of mine as part of his year 12 research assignment. He was asking some questions about western society and Christianity. It really made me think and so I decided I’d write a post on my thoughts about it here.

I am half expecting to get slammed by this but please, please understand; these are musings and thoughts that haven’t quite reached a conclusion. Or maybe they have.

Ill begin by letting you know that I have studied a number of courses in the community service field – Cert 3 in Community Work, Cert 4 in Family Support Work, and part way through a Social Work degree (which I really MUST finish). Apart from all of that, I have had years upon years of therapy, attending various groups for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, Child Sexual Abuse, and on and on.

What do you think was the one main thing that all of these places promoted above all else?

Inclusion! Tolerance! Acceptance! No Judgement!

It sounds great doesn’t it? It really does, but it created massive problems for me and a warring debate inside my head that has never truly found a happy medium.

I became a Christian at 5 years old. I was baptised a year later at my begging and ever since, my greatest love has been my Holy Father, his Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

So, tolerance, acceptance, God – they go together, right? In some respects, yes they do. But in other ways, they definitely do NOT.

The one thing that I have really really struggled with is that I am someone who by nature is very open. I’ll talk to anyone unless I can discern something spiritually that says the person is really not good for me.  I am someone who doesn’t like to let things get in the way of friendships. I’m happy to be friends with anyone of different religions; different races; different orientations, different football teams (except Port Power…. Nah, jokes). It’s not something that enters my head when I make friends. I don’t have a ‘type’ of friend the way some have a ‘type’ of romantic partner. I believe in accepting people as they are. I believe that we can learn so much from other people who look different, who believe differently to me, who live differently.

Thus, I guess I’ve always had a lot of friends. You can almost guarantee that I will know someone no matter where I go. It’s cool like that.

But…!

How does this view of tolerance, acceptance and inclusion work when you believe with your whole heart that God is The Way? The God who died upon the cross and rose again for each and every one of us?

God clearly states in HIS text book aka The Holy Bible, that certain things are just not right. We should NOT accept homosexuality. We should NOT accept other religions; we should NOT tolerate things like porn, domestic violence, child abuse, war, paedophilia etc.

He clearly states that these behaviours and actions are against Him. There is no question.

And yet, everywhere we go we are taught to tolerate all of the above. Not only tolerate, but embrace the differences. In terms of crime, we are taught to be tolerant of the criminal who has had rehabilitation. To give them a chance to show they have changed. Actually, anyone who has had any type of rehab should be tolerated and accepted back into the community with open arms regardless of anything.

It’s so confusing. Especially when I see so many Christians embrace the latest Christian ‘fad’ (in my opinion) of Social Justice.

Social Justice in itself is great. Having a social conscience and trying to right the wrongs in this world, I’m all for it.

I was passionate about it before it became the latest big ‘thing’. I guess, always being in a minority (foster care, aboriginal, disability) I have always had a heart for others. I remember as a kid, our pastor used to bring refugees to our church as he worked with them. Again, this was before the whole refugee thing was well known. So suddenly, when the plight of refugees was plastered all over the news and all the Gen Y’ers were ranting and raving about it, my thought was: “And? It’s been going on for years; this is NOT as new issue.”

Gen Y seems to think that they are the first to ever have a bleeding heart for the marginalised. A LOT of the Gen Y people I know, seem to act like they were the first to ever want to make a difference… but why do you think I even have this blog? Yes, it’s an outlet for me to get my thoughts out, but mostly, I use it as a voice for raising awareness of metal health issues and other social justice issues that affect me… but mainly mental health.

The thing is though, and I have seen this in numerous churches – their form of social justice involves going on mission trips to third world countries. They might be going for a few days or weeks. They might do some service in the communities they visit. They will come home wide eyed and changed in themselves. It’s been a brilliant experience for them. But what about the people left behind?

There is a couple from my church atm who are doing an indefinite stay in Bali. I really admire that. THAT is social justice in action. My current church also sends groups over there to work in the community every single year, creating a relationship with the people of Bali and working with them not for them in making their community a better place to be. It’s more than just going there, causing a stir and coming home feeling accomplished.

I know quite a number of Gen Y’ers who study international studies and then what do they even do with that?

And another thing: why do people always have to go overseas to be involved in social justice? Yes, there are a lot of third world countries that need the help and support, but while everyone is going there, the people in our own first world countries are suffering third world conditions and no one pays them any mind bc after all, they live in a first world country. Do people forget that even here in first world Australia, we have third world living conditions for the indigenous remote communities? I have been to communities where people are still living in humpies on the dirt. I have done my own mission trips with churches to remote areas. I have also lived on an island in Arnhem Land and been part of a remote community.

And what about the homeless people in our parks and streets? One thing I love about my church is that they don’t expect the homeless, the hungry, and the tired, to come to the suburban church. No, ‘we’ (and I say that collectively becasue I did go numerous times) go to where the homeless are and feed them there. What an honour that is. Unfortunately, it’s not an activity I could sustain due to weather conditions and my health. But I am so proud of that ministry.

So, I’ve talked about church groups etc. doing mission and outreach (mission from my understanding, is going out of your community to reach others for God, outreach is doing the same thing in your own community).

I know there are hundreds of organisations and agencies who are not based in Christianity who do the same.

But Christian and non-Christian, they all ‘preach’ the same level of tolerance and acceptance.

I beg you, every Christian person who reads this, answer this question in the comments section please….

How do u juggle society’s mission of inclusion for all, with God’s decrees of the biblical way to live?

Because the two do not always go hand in hand.

My answer is somewhat like this, although I’m still figuring it all out:

I’ll use homosexuality as the issue. I have a number of gay friends, they aren’t in my immediate circle of close friends, but they are in my life. I love them; I learn from them, they are just friends like all my ‘straight’ friends are.

However, I do not believe in homosexual relationships. As a good Christian girl, I believe it is something that is completely against what God created sex etc for.

I don’t judge those friends of mine – you might wonder how given I don’t believe in it. I guess it’s something I don’t want to hear about. I think that every person has free choice, free will and they can choose the actions and behaviours they take. I just don’t like it shoved in my face. Im not gonna diss the friends of mine who might be gay. They don’t need that crap in their face! But I don’t want to know the details about the romantic relationship if there is one.

The thing is, if I had gay friends who were getting married, while I don’t agree with it, I would go and attend the ceremony, not because I condone the idea of gay marriage, but because I love the person/people getting married and I would be truly happy for them.

I’m against gay marriage tho because it is completely against what God created man and wife to be. I would be utterly sad if it is approved in our country because I believe it is yet another step away from God’s Word and his laws for human kind.

So I suppose when it all boils down, I would support the person but not the action – whatever that action may be. So, maybe Im being inclusive and accepting of the people, but being Godly in my judgement of the behaviours????

And on that note, my medication has kicked in and I must be off to bed. I really hope this post makes sense. It’s hard when it’s still a bit of a jumble inside my head.

L xo

Anxiety Spangxiety

Lately I have seen a number of people on my Facebook really struggling with anxiety so I wanted to write a blog post on it. Explain what it is, how to recognise it and some ideas and strategies of dealing with it.

Anxiety can be its own disorder or it can be part of any number of disorders – like depression for example. But there are also a whole family of illnesses that are anxiety based – the granddaddy of them being Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

OCD

For example, I have OCD and it affects me in a number of ways – firstly, I have a fear of contamination. I struggle to touch things like bins, raw meat, animals and anything to do with body fluids. So lucky I have Mike living with me to do the bins every week – and he gives extra love to the cats and looks after their food and litter bc they are my biiiig struggles. When this type of my OCD flares up I tend to wash my hands, arms - whatever touched the ‘contaminate’ over and over. I’ve got it down to one good wash a time now but there was a time when my skin wud be really effected by the amount of hand washing I did. For this kind of OCD I have had to undergo a lot of very uncomfortable exposure therapy – not fun, but it works.

And every time I have thoughts of avoidance nowadays, I force myself to pick up the cat and cuddle it, then I force myself to wait as long as I can before I wash my hands – the longest I can go is between half an hour and 45 minutes. Avoidance with contamination issues just makes it bigger and badder. Constantly challenging those thoughts is what brings you to recovery.

Another way I am affected by anxiety in my OCD is when I am really stressed I tend to pick at my face – something I am currently struggling with. Gouging holes in my face and picking at it is NOT a good way to deal with stress and anxiety but atm I’m a bit stuck. Face picking is also something I have never really talked about to anyone before but it is definitely part of the OCD. It even has its own name: Dermatillomania, or Compulsive Skin Picking (CSP). I actually finally ‘fessed up to a professional about it only today: It was a big relief and they are now getting help for me with this problem I’ve had the whole of my life (well, since I was about 14).

I am also a counter – I count everything. Even when I know the number of things isn’t gonna change. Like, I will sit in church and count all the members of a family. There might be five and I know there is only five in that family, but I have to keep counting, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 over and over. It’s weird. My old psychologist once told me that what makes it OCD is that you’re checking to make sure it’s still the same instead of accepting, yes; there are five people in that family and leaving it (or like someone who has to repeatedly check the oven is off or the door locked or the hair straightener being left on). I will count how many lines on a verse of a song when it’s up on the screen, how many wheels on the truck next to me, how many louvers in the air vents, how many air vents, how many lights on the ceiling etc. The counting just goes on and on and on.

As part of my counting – or maybe it goes hand in hand with it, is that I also measure distances and times aaaall the time. I will measure the distance and time to EVERYwhere I go even when I know it hasn’t changed since the last time I went; I love clocks for these reasons too.

The last way that OCD cud affect me is through hoarding – something that my birth mother struggles with a lot and something that I definitely have tendencies towards. You see the Hoarding tv shows? Yup, that’s my mother but she is getting help for it and that’s great. I keep it in check by watching said tv shows and being reminded of my CBT bc they also use the concepts on those shows.

All of the above are different aspects of OCD and not just anxiety. Ive had quite a few laypeople doubt my OCD bc I don’t talk about it much – but you can see here that yep, I sure have it in leaps and bounds.

Anyway, I have a few strategies I wanna share with you – not all related to OCD but to anxiety in general (unless specified).

So before I start - where do I get my knowledge of this stuff? I have done intensive CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and twice done a DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) 6 month course plus years of experience as both client and a professional in the mental health field – so I reckon I’m qualified to give some strategies ….

The first thing I want you know about anxiety is what it can feel like.

When you get an anxiety attack take note of what your body is telling you;

•         Is your heart beating faster?
•         Do u feel hot or flushed all over?
•         You may feel nausea or dizziness
•         Do u feel like you are having a heart attack – is your chest tight and in pain?
•         Are you irritable?
•         Tired?
•         Confused – fuzzy in ur mind?
•         Have trouble concentrating?
•       Get sweaty clammy hands?
•       Tense muscles?
•       Dry mouth?
•       Shakey limbs?
•        Is there a lump in your throat you cant get rid of?
•        Are you running to the toilet a lot?
•       Does the idea of socializing (or even leaving the house) make u freeze up?
•        Is everything all too much to cope with?

These are all signs that you are leading up to or in an anxiety/panic attack; or not even an attack but u may just have generalized anxiety. Listening to your body is so important bc it allows you to (over time) catch the anxiety before it reaches its peak, then you can do something about it and possibly even avoid a full blown anxiety/panic attack altogether.

***Just a note here – I mentioned that it can feel like a heart attack?

That is so so true. I have been admitted into emergency more than once thinking I was having a heart attack and remained unconvinced even with the evidence in front of my eyes (the readouts from scans) bc I honestly believed the pain in my chest couldn’t be anything but a heart attack (and I have heart diease in my family). If you are prone to anxiety and/or like me you have heart disease in your family, make sure you can recognise the differences in the two very clearly. Bc if you are having a heart attack and you think it’s just anxiety, you could be in big trouble.

Anxiety does not get the pain down one arm like a heart attacks does.

Anxiety is all about the adrenalin so as you feel your heart going faster and you feel flushed; try to use relaxation to calm down the adrenalin that is pulsing through your body. The best kind of relaxation is two-fold.

Relaxation

Breathing

First I believe it is breathing. If you’re like me you might want to skip over this thinking breathing doesn’t work, but halt, please don’t skip it. If you persist, this can really work.

Take three deep breathes – but with each breath, count slowly to three as you breathe in, let ur whole body fill with the breath. Hold for a count of three and then another count of three as you breathe out; letting out every drop of air you inhaled. Your shoulders should probably slump a little as you finish expelling the air. Repeat this twice so you are doing three breathes. If this is not enough try it again in ten minutes.

Mindfulness

Another form of relaxation is mindfulness – it’s a technique used a LOT in CBT and DBT and it might sound a bit airy fairy but it is actually a super useful tool. Mindfulness is all about creating focus on something.

Let me use a couple of examples to illustrates how it works…

Bubbles in the Dishwater (bc this is one I naturally do and enjoy).

Look at the bubbles:

-          How big are they?

-          What colour are they?

-          What are they attached too?

-          Is the water cool or hot?

-          What makes a bigger bubble?

-          What reflections do you see in the bubbles?

-          What colour are the bubbles?

-          Do you see a rainbow in the bubbles from certain angles?

A piece of chocolate:

Before putting it in your mouth:

•          Is it wrapped in paper or foil or both?
•          What colour is it? Define the type of brown.
•          How big is it?
•          What shape is it?

Put it in ur mouth.

•          How does it taste?
•          What flavours or textures can you taste?
•          What is the dominant texture/flavour?
•          How does it slide down your throat?
•          Is any stuck to parts of your mouth? Which parts?
•          How hard do you have to work to get the chocolate from in your teeth?
•          What degree of sweetness or bitterness would you give it?

Teasing out every possible angle about something – including taste, texture, temperature, feel, sight and sound, keeps you focusing on one thing and gives you a bit more clarity. It definitely takes a bit of practice but mindfulness is really helpful. Plus, it’s something you can do and no one needs to know you’re doing it. You can do it at work, on the bus, in the car, at church, playing sport…. The possibilities are endless. And when it comes to chocolate – it makes it last longer and that can only be a good thing, lol.

So now we have two really good strategies to practice. And sometimes it’s great to practice these when you are not in such a distressed state because then when you are feeling anxious, the strategies are already beginning to be second nature. Try them when you are bored, or when watching tv.

There is something else that I think is vital for you to know if you suffer from any form of anxiety. This is not a strategy to try, but a thought to comfort you.

The 15 minute 'Rule'

When anxiety creeps up on you, you need to know that it will reach its peak for 15 minutes. Only 15 minutes and then it will start to subside. Yes, 15 minutes can feel like a lifetime while you’re in it I know, but it will begin to come down after that… unless you keep ruminating on the issue that caused the anxiety or the anxiety itself. Ruminating means to keep thinking on it. The more you focus on it, the longer it will remain at its peak. Which is where mindfulness can come in – get your mind focused on something else and you might not even notice the anxiety begin to subside.

Imagine a thermometer – your anxiety is the mercury in it. As it climbs it gets bigger and bigger, but it will reach the peak of the thermometer and then it can’t go any higher. On a stinking hot day, we do what we can to cool down – it’s the same with this thermometer.

My counsellor printed out a stack of these for me to chart where on the thermometer my anxiety began and where it hit it's peak and then where it came down too. I found it very helpful over time to see patterns in my anxiety.

If you need too, look at this one that may be easier to understand if you look at your anxiety going from 1-10 on the thermometer. If you need, too, print out copies like I did and chart them to see a pattern.

Do some mindfulness or deep breathing and you will see the mercury begin to go down. It might take another 15 minutes or half an hour or even an hour for the thermometer to come back down to the normal range – but the important thing here is that IT WILL COME DOWN.  And the worst of it only lasts a maximum of 15 minutes (unless you ruminate).

That’s pretty good to know hey?

Acceptance

Another important thing to have if you can is acceptance.

Accept that you have anxiety and that you have the power over it if you are armed with some ideas and strategies around it (which is the purpose of this blog).

Having anxiety doesn’t make you a freak or an outcast, in fact, you will be surprised to learn how many of us have anxiety and related disorders. The only reason why I personally found out about a few ppl recently is bc they were brave enough to write it on their FB status or text me about it.

I love to know when people are brave enough to tell me bc it means I might be able to help with strategies that have helped me in the past. I have so many years of mental health history as a support worker and a client that I love to share what I have learnt so that you, my reader, can be somewhat free of what plagues your life.

I really hope this has helped you a bit. If you have any questions what so ever, please, I implore you, reach out to someone, or reply to me here. I’d also love to know how you go with implementing these ideas in ur own life.

Cheers for now

Love L

xoxo

My Faith Testimony!

Hi again friends, 

On Sunday night at church, Jon preached an awesome message on Salvation. No surprise there, that's what the Christian faith is all about. But he also talked about what the defining factor of salvation is for each and every person. He challenged us to think about it and work it out.

Why? Because then we can do as Paul the apostle did in Acts (in the New Testament of the Bible) and tell others why knowing Jesus and the salvation he won for us is so awesome and life changing.

So I thought that I would like to share my testimony here with you. 

What is a testimony? It's basically sharing your faith journey and why your faith and your relationship with Jesus is so important to you.

Thinking back, I always thought that my faith journey began when I was five years old. But when I was speaking to a friend today, I realised I might have been a bit younger, back when we lived in the children's home. It was run by a Lutheran pastor and his wife and Im certain - although I can't remember, that Jesus was spoken of a lot.

My first memories of Jesus and who he was and who he was in MY life, happened when I was about 5. We were fostered to a family in the Adelaide Hills and they placed us in a teeny tiny Lutheran school. It was there I had my first memories of Jesus. I focus on Jesus and not God bc I first heard of Jesus being my friend and brother. Given what a messed up family life we had, I latched onto the relationship of having a big brother who wouldn't hurt me but love me and be there whenever I needed him.

I can remember, in grade one, sitting on the carpet playing with blocks when our teacher Mrs Noll (sp?) asked us who in the classroom had been baptised. Then I remember bursting into tears as Mike and I were the only ones who were NOT baptised. Even at 5 years old, I understood somehow what being in Jesus' family meant.

We got baptised quick smart. 

This photo above is Mike and I (at the front) with our half sister and half brother Bella and Rolf in the background, at our new home on the farm. Mike is proudly holding his hymn book he got - I STILL have mine in my bookshelf and it's something I do treasure from that day.

So, once baptised, I took hold of that friend of mine Jesus and never let go. I always had such a passion and love for this amazing guy who's lap I could climb onto whenever I felt sad - or jsut wanted to sing. Being such an incredibly happy child, I can really only credit Him for that, given all the abuse we had already experienced. I remember that devotion time every morning at school being my favourite time of the day - and while we all used to fight to sing our favourite songs, Mike always won out and I think for years, every single day, we sung "Im Happy on the Inside, Im Happy on the Out" Lol. Just shows what the touch of God can do even when you're tiny like we were.

As a 12 year old, I looked upto my older foster cousins with SUCH admiration. My two 'favourite' cousins Sonia and Julie were the ones I wanted to be just like. I remember sneaking into the Lutheran Seminary when Sonia lived there and sleeping under her desk praying not to get caught. But I also remember that she was the one that introduced me to Christian music - and a love of Keith Green was born. Suddenly, my teenage world consisted of Keith, Amy Grant, David Meece, Michael W Smith and a myriad of others that I was listening too. And my cousin was teaching me there was more to this Jesus thing that going to church and praying.

I could see she had a real personal relationship with him although at the time I didn't fully understand what that meant. All I knew, was that Jesus, God, well, he was still my friend, and he was someone I wanted to grow to be more like.

I began going to youth - but youth back then was all about the boys, lol. I also got confirmed. As I grew older I took on a lot of resposibilities - I became youth president of our youth, I got involved with zone stuff, having a psoition on the zone exec. I led and organised (with others) hundreds of camps. In fact,  when I was in year 12, I remember attending 6 camps as a leader and three as a participant - that's *9* camps in year 12. Wow. I even organised with one other girl an entire state youth convention. They were such good times.

It was all about me growing and learning more about who Jesus meant to me and then being a role model to the younger people who God placed me there to lead. It was about never letting go despite all the crap we went through. 

When my dad died on Father's Day in yr 12 I was obviously devastated. Not only because he had passed away, but because he didn't believe - he had always accepted that us kids went to church and believed in God, but whenever I had tried to talk to him about it he waved me off. That last day of his life, our foster dad had taken us to Adelaide to see him. Dad H left us alone with our dad and while we were visiting, the JW's came and knocked. He waved them away and I remember my heart beating like crazy (I know now that was the Holy Spirit) bc it was the perfect opportunity to talk to my dad about my HOLY dad. But I chickened out. And that night he died.

It was all I could focus on. I had let my dad go to hell. I was so guilt ridden. However later the day after, I was speaking to our pastor and he told me that my dad had given his life to Jesus while he was in hospital jsut weeks before he died. I was overjoyed  - but still felt terrible that it hadn't been me who brought him to that point. However, I knew then, that he would be in heaven rejoicing and that's all I cared about. The relief was massive.

I continued my love for Jesus and my holy dad  - it jsut grew and grew. Once I moved to Adelaide, I started attending an awesome church (Para Vista Lutheran), found some amazing Godly people who were able to guide me through not only the horrible years of my illness, but taught me so much more about my Jesus and how to live a lfie worthy of his grace and love.

It was while I was at PV that I found my favourite bible verse and it has been my mantra ever since.

"Praise be to my God, the Father of my brother Jesus Christ who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms.... For he CHOSE me in Him before the world was even created, to be holy and blameless before him. In LOVE he ADOPTED ME as his child through Jesus... the the praise of his glorious grace which he gives without conditions to those he loves. In HIM we have redemption of our sins through Jesus' sacrifice of blood, for the forgiveness of our sins, i accordance with God's almighty grace.... In HIM we were also CHOSEN, having been predestined by God according to his awesome will and purpose for me and for the world." Ephesians 1:3-14 (paraphrased by Linda from NIV)

Notice some of those words? Chosen. Adopted. Child. Father. Love. They are all about family arn't they? It is saying that God chose Me. He chose YOU to be in his family. A family that was planned way before the world was created and that family included you! But not only that, he chose us to be holy too. Holy and blameless and he made this happen by giving his only Son Jesus to die on the cross, defeating Satan by rising again and thus fulfilling all the scriptures about him in the Old Testament of the Bible.

Why is this passage so incredibly important to me? I guess it's the fact that I have never felt like I belonged. I was always "The foster kid", "The cutter", "The one without a family", "The one in the papers", "The one with mental illness", "The aboriginal one" etc. No matter where I was (except maybe with the friends I grew up with), I always felt that distance between me and others. I always felt I never quite fit in.

Another thing is that I feel like I have had family taken away from me three times now - firstly, my real family - my dad passing away and being taken from my real siblings and mother (although Im glad it happened), then I lost my foster family, the long term family I lived with for 17 years. They basically dumped me and I struggled with identity ever since. THEN, I finally 'found' another family who promised they would never hurt me the way my foster family did (as they saw it happen), they loved me like their own, they introduced me to randoms and friends as another daughter and sister. They had captured me in the family web and I was convinced NOTHING would make me lose this family - and then they also dumped me.

I felt like every time I began to form an identity, a sense of belonging, it got stripped away from me. I was a lost lamb! Lost with noone to reach out too - except my Holy Father.

The major comfort for me through all my loss over my life time is this: The fact that I am Australian and more importantly the fact that GOD CHOSE ME! HE chose me and there is not one person on this earth that can take that away from me. 

Looking back over my life, I can see that I believed in him being my family from before I was baptised - from when I was that little 5 year old playing with blocks o that floor. Some part of me must have known that because I can remember always feeling comforted by the fact that I had a big brother that no one could mess with. I have always held strong to the promises of Ephesians but specifically that passage in chapter one. It's my all time favourite book and passage that my bible automatically opens to that page. It's been the biggest source of comfort for a girl who went from identity to identity, from family to family. The promise that God will never dump me, he will never build me up and then leave me. It's sooooo comforting. It gives me that belonging that no person on this earth could ever give me.

I think I will always struggle with that feeling of not quite belonging, with feeling a little apart from everyone around me. I know for a fact, I will never end that fruitless search for an earthly set of parents, but I can always hold tight to my faith and the Holy Father and brother who give me the comfort I need whenever I can remember to take it. Im hoping one day, it will be enough.

Love L
xxx